For honesty’s sake

I ended my boycott today. I had no intention of “breaking” it, but… well… Rather than sit here and feel sorry for myself (while simultaneously making everyone else feel awkward), I’m just going to get this over with: I slept with Jacob today. Not pleasant. Not sure why I did it. Very angry with myself. The end.

There is more to living than being alive

I feel like I have been broken into a million little pieces, and I’m not sure how to put them back together.

I know that people may read this and think that I’m revealing too much, but I feel that this is something I need to do. I really believe that forcing my sins out into the open will help to set me free. I decided yesterday to go on a P.M.S. (Porn, Masturbation, Sex) Boycott. Let me just say that I know just boycotting them won’t necessarily solve the problem, but it is a step in the right direction. For me, sometimes just setting a goal and crossing off the days that I’ve succeeded really helps and encourages me. I know that God doesn’t intend for me to stay enslaved to this. And it really is slavery! I am so tired of going back to drink muddy water and returning feeling dirty. I am a slave to my sin and guilt. I want freedom.

You’re suffocating me, so very hard to breathe. My mask is growing heavy, but I have forgotten who’s beneath. You’re sick as all the secrets that you deny. Sins, like skeletons, are so very hard to hide.          –Anberlin