You lose control when you hold too tight

Well, this is my first post from Canada. It’s strange to think that so much has remained the same and so much has changed at the same time. I like the same things, think the same thoughts, and love the same people, but I am in such a different place in my life. Geography has changed, climate is cooler, and living arrangements are much trickier.

I want to say that Canada is everything I dreamed it would be, but that would be a lie of omission. This beautiful/strange place called Thunder Bay is a fulfilment of dreams and a realization of fears that had yet to arise. I miss my mother, my dog, and a wonderful man that didn’t even know how much I loved him. I am learning, though. This is a great move for me, and I know that I will continue to see Father working in and around me. Hopefully, I will also see him working through me.

I waver between urges to go “home” and to make this my new home. I know that the latter lies closer to the desire of my heart, though. I have been called here, and I cannot turn back. I want to see all that is planned for me here. I am terrified and unsure, but there is no denying a purpose bigger than nannying is here for me in Thunder Bay.

I am becoming less and less convinced that I will return. This is not to say that I won’t, but I am less attached to the idea of Charlotte as home. This is my home. Thunder Bay. It is beautiful and new and frightening, but any place or act of greatness always is.

Pray for me. I need you. I need your support. Renovatus is forever in my heart and always on my mind. I cannot even begin to explain the immensity of my love for you (but if you really want an inkling, read Philippians 1). You will always be my family. Thank you for everything. Really.

Reflections on Matthew 4-5, Day 5

I keep trying to think of something profound with which to enlighten the masses, but I got nothin’. I think my problem is that this week’s reading is kicking my butt.

“Do not think that I came to abolish the Law or the Prophets; I did not come to abolish but to fulfill. For truly I say to you, until heaven and earth pass away, not the smallest letter or stroke shall pass from the Law until all is accomplished. Whoever then annuls one of the least of these commandments, and teaches others to do the same, shall be called least in the kingdom of heaven; but whoever keeps and teaches them, he shall be called great in the kingdom of heaven. For I say to you that unless your righteousness surpasses that of the scribes and Pharisees, you will not enter the kingdom of heaven.” –Matthew 5:17-20

What hope is there for me? I’m a freaking Bible major, and I feel so… spiritually pathetic. I am in desperate need of humilty, and those verses kill me. My pride is shattered; it stands no chance in the face of those words.

Reflections on Matthew 1-3, Day 5

No apologies are ever made for Jesus. Have you noticed that? Even before he officially entered his ministry, John paints a very harsh and vivid picture of him reaping a harvest of human souls, not all of whom will meet a happy “end”. I love that the usual instinct people have to gloss over hard sayings is completely ignored in the gospel accounts. Particularly in Matthew, there is no sugar-coating of “the God Man” and what he was about.

The church as a whole has gradually filed away the rough edges of Jesus until all we have left is a safe, flannel-graph saviour. What happened? The Jesus I’m being introduced to in these first three chapters appears to be anything but safe! And he didn’t come just to save us–he came to call us to a new way of living. He practiced that new life himself so that we would have an example to follow. But in all the religiousity, we’ve lost this radical man and his call to us to be radical people.

John knew what was going on from the very beginning. His ministry of baptism was not just to save people either–he also was calling people to new life. He even told the religious “somebodies” not to just join in the new fad. He wanted them to be serious about the baptism into a new life. He told them to “bear fruit in keeping with repentance”.

This phrase has stuck with me throughout this week. Bear fruit in keeping with repentance. Think about it. Say it out loud. Really. This is important. About as important as it gets. I mean, that’s what Jesus was all about, right? If we truly repented/were baptized/turned to him, then our lives would be different. We would have something totally different (and better) to show for it.

Stop making this Jesus story warm and fuzzy. It’s not. It’s a harsh reality that our lives are not going to be the same. And if they are, then we haven’t really listened to him. That’s dangerous. Really dangerous. Open your ears. Listen. There will be no apologies. Jesus is not that kind of guy. He demands righteousness. Anything less is sin. Bear fruit in keeping with repentance.

And, trust me, there is joy in righteousness. The kind of joy that could never be described in this silly, little blog.
   Pursue him.
   Pursue righteous.
   And joy will pursue you.

Reflections of Matthew 1-3, Day 1

So, I’ll be honest–I wasn’t really expecting much in this first week. I mean, I’ve read this stuff a million times, and it’s not like chapters 1-3 are even relatively new material for me. It’s a well-read intro to the “Jesus story”. Funny how God likes to shake me up a bit here and there…

I guess what stood out to me was the drama involved in the pre-story. And by drama, I don’t mean silly, teenage-girl drama. I mean real, intense action.

Example 1: The genealogy. Doesn’t sound exciting? Think about the beginning of the Star Wars Trilogy. Remember the scrolling script? Didn’t it leave you anxious and eager to see what happens? It built up the suspense and immediately hooked you. It hinted at greatness to come. This is exactly what the genealogy in Matthew does; it allows us to see the great (and not-so-great men/women that preceeded Jesus). It reveals a rich history that the “audience” (Jews) knew all about. Who was the man that came from such a famous/infamous family? (Side Note: For those of you who aren’t literary geeks like myself, there is a difference between famous and infamous.)

Example 2: (Minor, but still intriguing, information.) Joseph doesn’t “consummate” the marriage until after Jesus is born. I believe that would qualify as miraculous restraint.

Example 3: The young Jesus (probably a toddler?) is sought out, worshipped, and given kingly gifts. The magi, “a caste of wise men specializing in astronomy, astrology, and natural science”, seem very aware of Jesus’ greatness. Maybe it’s just me, but I kind of doubt Jesus was doing anything too terribly miraculous yet. I mean, learning to walk and talk is great, but it’s nothing to be worshipped for. I’m not exactly sure how the magi knew that he was worthy of their worship, but they did. That, to me, is amazing. (Side question: Were these wise men mystical, believing in any hokey prophecy that they heard? I don’t mean to take away from the worship they gave to Jesus, but you have to wonder if they were… well, reliable.)

Example 4: Herod kills all the male infants in and around Bethlehem. Wow. I mean, if I were God incarnate, that’s how I’d want people to remember my birth: innocent babies being wiped out because the king was trying to kill me. I know this certainly reveals what a threat Jesus was to “the establishment”, but what a dark beginning! Already, people are dying because of the “hugeness” of his coming.

Example 5: John tells the people that the one who comes after him (Jesus) will separate the wheat (=righteous people) from the chaf (=unrighteous people), and the chaf will be thrown into an “unquenchable fire”. Well, isn’t that a warm and fuzzy message! How would you like to be introduced that way? “Well, he’s an awesome guy–totally holy, powerful, and from the Lord, but watch out! If you’re not ‘good’ he’ll send you to hell!”

Example 6: When Jesus first turns up, he allows John (the one who “is not fit to tie his sandals”) to baptize him. Guess what happens! The Holy Spirit immediatly shows up, and God audibly affirms Jesus in the presence of John. How cool is that?! His first public appearance, and he gets the “God stamp of approval”.

Now, try and tell me this isn’t a dramatic intro!

Death to the Cow

Sermon Notes

• Though Israel had gotten out of Egypt, Egypt was still very much inside of Israel… There was a change in the geography, but there was not yet a change in the heart.
• This is a journey; this is movement. God doesn’t just zap you somewhere.
• There is a danger of leaving Egypt but, instead of walking into the Promised Land, making an Egyptian colony where you are.
• In the name of freedom, human beings are inclined to choose things that bring addiction and bondage.
• We are consumer Christians. We are focused on self even in worship!
• You become like whatever you worship.
• Do you know that feeling of irresistible adoration?
• When you see or hear something truly beautiful, it alters your perception of reality.
• Sanctification is the process of getting Egypt out of you.
• He changes our affections.
• You never seem to get any better by focusing on your sin.
• God doesn’t just call us out, but He calls us in.
• Prayer is not just some form of divine therapy.

Law and Lawlessness

Sermon Notes*

• The Law is what separates them from other people.
• God does not want His name to be misrepresented.
• Prayer is rest.
• Sometimes we feel like we need to take a vacation from God, but that is unhealthy.
• The way we relate to God is married to the way we relate to our family.

*I have seemingly skipped two sermons, but I was present at Renovatus for both of them and took notes there. If you would like to see my written notes, let me know.

Hope Rises

Sermon Notes

• The Gospel, “Good News”, is not good news until you’ve heard the bad news.
• The darker it gets, the more penetrating the light is.
• Human beings, no matter how good it gets, have this instinctive thing inside of them (us) to wreck it all.
• Whenever God intervenes in our lives…this is initially where it starts–with the word “go”.
• God does not choose people for privilege; He chooses them for service.
• I need You to change my name.

Paradise Lost

Sermon Notes

• Genesis is a fairy tale gone wrong.
• We are deceived into thinking that we can take what we want without any consequences (each of us think we are the exception).
• Yada is not knowing in a detached way–it is experiential, relational.
• Non-yada knowledge will eventually destroy you.
• When God asks questions, He’s not trying to get information.
• There is a human drive toward self-destruction.
• Even in the moment of His betrayal and anger, He has not given up on His creation.

Being Human

Sermon Notes

• Our starting point should always be the knowledge that we are created in the image of God.
• The breath of God is what makes us truly human and gives us our primal need for God.
• There is a hunger inside every person to know and be known by God whether they know it or not.
• Prayer was never intended to be a chore. It is our “mother tongue”.
• Living for God’s glory is… a life of mutual delight.
• Sin did not change God’s intention for humanity.
• “Spiritual CPR”
• We were created for community.*
• How can you be connected to the head (Jesus) without being connected to the body (the Church)?
• There is a spiritual nudity that needs to be aspired to.

*This reality has been stressed to me a lot lately, especially today. With everything that has been going on in my life, I have been at the mercy of others time and time again. Today Dr. Sloop requested that everyone in class would pray for me. Afterwards, one of my classmates informed me that he was going to ask his church to help me out financially. I stumbled over my words, and I had to backtrack from an insistence that I would be fine without his help. I admitted that I was having a hard time accepting assistance from people, and I assured him that I really was grateful. I have been humbled and, quite frankly, in awe of the love and support I have been given. It really is true that God created us to be in communion with others. It is hard to let go of that sense of pride that tells you to deal with your problems on your own, but let me tell you: God wants to break you (and certainly me) of that! God reaches out to us through the caring hands of a community of believers. Accept that gift with humility and gratitude. It really is a beautiful thing.

Chaos and Creation

Sermon Notes

• Genesis is not about how God created the world but why.
• Let’s not address the text; let’s let the text address us.
• Scripture is not just about finding answers but instead providing us with a harder/better set of questions.
• Christians cannot ”dichotomize” between the spiritual and the physical.
• This is God’s creation–and they wallow around in that.*
• If Jesus is not Lord over all, He is not Lord at all.
• When we admire God’s creation…and worship Him for it, it’s Jesus that we’re worshipping.
• The sea was a symbol of evil/chaos. —> Revelation 21:1 (…and there is no longer any sea.)
• Jesus comes out strolling on the water, and what he is demonstrating is that He is in charge. (Matthew 14:22-33)
• When the creation is in constant communication with its Creator, what is there left to be afraid of?

*The thing that really struck me about this statement is the use of the word “wallow”. When I hear it, I tend to think of wallowing in my own misery/self-pity. Be honest–isn’t this the context in which we usually hear the word “wallow”? Well, after hearing Pastor Jonathan’s use of the word, I looked it up in the dictionary. And, sure enough, “to indulge oneself immoderately” is one of the definitions listed. But what about this alternate definition: “to devote oneself entirely; to take unrestrained pleasure”? I know this may sound really nerdy of me, but I love that phrase! Think about it–creation takes unrestrained pleasure in the fact that it is the handiwork of God. How awesome!

Who knows if P.J. took such careful consideration in choosing his vocabulary, but what an amazing job he did regardless! I long to wallow in the fact that I was created by God Almighty. And even though Valentine’s Day is usually reserved for other kinds of wallowing, I think this is far more appropriate. If it weren’t for my Creator, I wouldn’t even know what love is.