an annoying love for an imperfect person

I am amazed by the kindness my Father shows me. I am a mess. I seem to know nothing of consistency, commitment, loyalty, or faithfulness. Things I demand in my friends are truly lacking in myself. Yet his grace never stops. I am pursued by a love that makes no sense to me.

You lose control when you hold too tight

Well, this is my first post from Canada. It’s strange to think that so much has remained the same and so much has changed at the same time. I like the same things, think the same thoughts, and love the same people, but I am in such a different place in my life. Geography has changed, climate is cooler, and living arrangements are much trickier.

I want to say that Canada is everything I dreamed it would be, but that would be a lie of omission. This beautiful/strange place called Thunder Bay is a fulfilment of dreams and a realization of fears that had yet to arise. I miss my mother, my dog, and a wonderful man that didn’t even know how much I loved him. I am learning, though. This is a great move for me, and I know that I will continue to see Father working in and around me. Hopefully, I will also see him working through me.

I waver between urges to go “home” and to make this my new home. I know that the latter lies closer to the desire of my heart, though. I have been called here, and I cannot turn back. I want to see all that is planned for me here. I am terrified and unsure, but there is no denying a purpose bigger than nannying is here for me in Thunder Bay.

I am becoming less and less convinced that I will return. This is not to say that I won’t, but I am less attached to the idea of Charlotte as home. This is my home. Thunder Bay. It is beautiful and new and frightening, but any place or act of greatness always is.

Pray for me. I need you. I need your support. Renovatus is forever in my heart and always on my mind. I cannot even begin to explain the immensity of my love for you (but if you really want an inkling, read Philippians 1). You will always be my family. Thank you for everything. Really.

Let’s make a pact.

We’ll promise to be friends forever.
We’ll promise to always be there.
We’ll promise to tell the hard truth.
We’ll promise to never lie.
We’ll promise to humor each other when necessary.
We’ll promise to hug a lot.
We’ll promise to say nice things.
We’ll promise to never say mean things.
We’ll promise to respect each other.
We’ll promise to laugh.
We’ll promise to learn new things together.
We’ll promise to stay hopeful.
We’ll promise to never hold each other back.

I’ll promise to love you.

Arms around each other; hold me close at night

I haven’t fully developed my thoughts on this, but I thought I’d just post it for now and see what you guys think.