My Skinny Love

I could be in a different state by the fall. Would you miss me?

who will love you?
who will fight?
who will fall far behind?
-Bon Iver-

Take our hands out of control

God really must be up to something. Not only do I not have a car, license, job, or boyfriend, I now no longer have a place to live. My mom is giving me until April 8 to move out. She said that if I don’t find a place before then I will still have to move out. My dad will not let me live with him either. I’m really at a loss for what to do. My friends keep telling me to pray about it, but I don’t really want to. I know that sounds unspiritual–not to mention appalling–but I’d just rather have everyone else doing my praying for me. Don’t get me wrong–I’m not mad at God for my situation. It’s not like I’m giving Him the silent treatment. I really don’t know why I don’t want to pray.

My friend Lindsey and I prayed together the other day about the whole situation, and it just felt so forced. You know the moment when the other person has stopped praying and they’re waiting for you to start? Well, I hate that moment. I was so awkward and frustrated that I was having to pretend to be spiritual. I know the whole “God doesn’t care about that/He just wants you to be real with Him” speech, but it honestly felt fake–not real at all.

Just a cursory glance at my situation would suggest that God is taking away everything in an  attempt to get me to fully rely on Him. But how can I rely on Him if I don’t even want to talk to Him? I sincerely want Him to do whatever it takes to mold me into the person He wants me to be, but I don’t feel like asking for His help to get through the process. I’d rather keep my head down and plow through, just waiting to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Does anybody know of a solution for this? And by “this” I mean not only my spiritual plight but also my housing/transportation/job situation. Help.