You lose control when you hold too tight

Well, this is my first post from Canada. It’s strange to think that so much has remained the same and so much has changed at the same time. I like the same things, think the same thoughts, and love the same people, but I am in such a different place in my life. Geography has changed, climate is cooler, and living arrangements are much trickier.

I want to say that Canada is everything I dreamed it would be, but that would be a lie of omission. This beautiful/strange place called Thunder Bay is a fulfilment of dreams and a realization of fears that had yet to arise. I miss my mother, my dog, and a wonderful man that didn’t even know how much I loved him. I am learning, though. This is a great move for me, and I know that I will continue to see Father working in and around me. Hopefully, I will also see him working through me.

I waver between urges to go “home” and to make this my new home. I know that the latter lies closer to the desire of my heart, though. I have been called here, and I cannot turn back. I want to see all that is planned for me here. I am terrified and unsure, but there is no denying a purpose bigger than nannying is here for me in Thunder Bay.

I am becoming less and less convinced that I will return. This is not to say that I won’t, but I am less attached to the idea of Charlotte as home. This is my home. Thunder Bay. It is beautiful and new and frightening, but any place or act of greatness always is.

Pray for me. I need you. I need your support. Renovatus is forever in my heart and always on my mind. I cannot even begin to explain the immensity of my love for you (but if you really want an inkling, read Philippians 1). You will always be my family. Thank you for everything. Really.

It’s a good year for the robots.

Well, I’m sure most of you who read this already know my good news, but just in case:

I’m moving to Canada!

I leave on May 12th, so make sure you get in some quality Beth time.

Save

I know that I need Him more than I need anyone else. No lover could ever save me from the places I’ve made for myself–nests of sin and misery that I can fly back and forth between. He felled this bird with one well-aimed stone, knocked the flight from my wings. No longer able to flit between dirty hovels, I will rest in this safe haven. It is the haven that His love wraps me in.

Elizabeth, you were born to play that part

God continues to work on me. Last night I was lying in bed before sleep took me (which is a lot longer in coming without Flexeril), and God blasted my conscience with a whopper: WATCH YOUR MOUTH. Everyone knows I’m a talker–everyone. If you think I’m quiet or even just mildly inclined to talk, you don’t know me at all. On top of that, anyone who’s spent more than an hour or so with me probably knows that I hate my job. Don’t get me wrong, I love books by the million, but I despise Books-A-Million. So, combine those two things, and you will see my problem.

I grumble.

A lot.

At my job, I am the only Christian. I also consider myself a friend of most that work there. I know that they see something different in me; I’ve even been told. But I know that my stupid mouth could change all of that. If I want to be different–really different–I need to shut it. Everyone grumbles about BAM. It’s definitely not anyone’s favorite place to be, and I’m not saying it has to be mine. I just know that I need to keep it to myself. I need to work like I’m serving at the feet of Jesus, my beautiful savior and powerful king. Because really, that’s exactly what I’m doing. Every move I make (yes, I hear The Police as well) is a reflection on the God I serve. I am his ambassador in this world, and I want the impression I leave to be a good one.

Last night made in unavoidable to act. I had to make some kind of change. When God speaks, you act. (And if you don’t, you will regret it.) So, I woke up this morning and branded my hand with the same words which God had seared into my conscience the night before: Watch you mouth. It was a visible reminder to be careful. I got more than a few questions about my homemade body art, but the odd stares were worth it. I left work feeling just a little bit lighter.