an annoying love for an imperfect person

I am amazed by the kindness my Father shows me. I am a mess. I seem to know nothing of consistency, commitment, loyalty, or faithfulness. Things I demand in my friends are truly lacking in myself. Yet his grace never stops. I am pursued by a love that makes no sense to me.

He still amazes me

Have you ever had one of those moments where you feel like the obvious is right in front of someone’s face but they can’t see it? It’s maddening because you want to tell them, but you know that it’s something you can’t make them see. Arg. I hate that. I feel like jumping up and down, screaming “Me! I’m right here! Pick me!”

In other news, I have great friends. I mentioned last time that I got in a car wreck and no longer have a car. Well, it gets worse. Today I had to voluntarily turn in my license to the DMV or my parents would have lost their auto insurance. That sucked, but it wasn’t too bad until I realized that it’ll be at least 2-3 years before I can get another license. Long story short: I won’t be anywhere close to being able to afford a car and insurance until then. Anyway, the point is that my friends have been so supportive. Brittany, Andrea, Beth, Laura, and Rachael have all offered to help me with transportation whenever they are able. Paul even spent an hour+ on the phone with me trying to reassure me and cheer me up. He really has been a huge help, and I am so grateful to have him to lean on.

I am a little worried that I might have to quit Caribou and get a job somewhere closer to home so that I can walk to work. It hasn’t come to that yet, but it’s a big possibility. I also don’t know how I’m going to get to school on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Lisa might be able to take me because we have the same schedule, but I know that I can’t always count on her. I mean, what if she’s sick and can’t go? What if she has such a tight schedule that she doesn’t have time to pick me up? There are a lot of variables, and I hate being at the mercy of other people. It’s not so much that I don’t like accepting help, it’s just that I hate inconveniencing people.

Well, I think that pretty much sums up the bad stuff. There is plenty more to be thankful for. I am lucky to be alive. I am blessed to have such great friends. I am fortunate to have my parents support. God has been so good to me. Even when I have been disobedient and utterly wretched, He has loved me and cared for me. He shields me from the harm I would inflict upon myself. He seeks to guide me when I don’t know where to go. He always wants the best for me. I truly am honored to be the adopted daughter of the King. How amazing that He would take notice of me and strive to make me His! I really am incapable of wrapping my mind around this. God is just so good.