You lose control when you hold too tight

Well, this is my first post from Canada. It’s strange to think that so much has remained the same and so much has changed at the same time. I like the same things, think the same thoughts, and love the same people, but I am in such a different place in my life. Geography has changed, climate is cooler, and living arrangements are much trickier.

I want to say that Canada is everything I dreamed it would be, but that would be a lie of omission. This beautiful/strange place called Thunder Bay is a fulfilment of dreams and a realization of fears that had yet to arise. I miss my mother, my dog, and a wonderful man that didn’t even know how much I loved him. I am learning, though. This is a great move for me, and I know that I will continue to see Father working in and around me. Hopefully, I will also see him working through me.

I waver between urges to go “home” and to make this my new home. I know that the latter lies closer to the desire of my heart, though. I have been called here, and I cannot turn back. I want to see all that is planned for me here. I am terrified and unsure, but there is no denying a purpose bigger than nannying is here for me in Thunder Bay.

I am becoming less and less convinced that I will return. This is not to say that I won’t, but I am less attached to the idea of Charlotte as home. This is my home. Thunder Bay. It is beautiful and new and frightening, but any place or act of greatness always is.

Pray for me. I need you. I need your support. Renovatus is forever in my heart and always on my mind. I cannot even begin to explain the immensity of my love for you (but if you really want an inkling, read Philippians 1). You will always be my family. Thank you for everything. Really.

It’s a good year for the robots.

Well, I’m sure most of you who read this already know my good news, but just in case:

I’m moving to Canada!

I leave on May 12th, so make sure you get in some quality Beth time.

Today is a day for new beginnings

I seriously contemplated entitling this blog “Tomorrow is a day for new beginnings,” but I realized the absurdity of this. It is exactly what I have been doing my entire life- having good intentions for tomorrow. So, even though it is 10:54 PM, I will start now. Today is the day I will start over. I will do the things I know I need to do. I will look forward to making progress in the longterm, while still moving forward every moment. I know that God can use me in big ways, and I have run from that for the longest time. I thought it was too much responsibility, so I ran in the opposite direction. I jumped into bed with some of the dirtiest guys I know, hoping to come out freer and more fulfilled. Well, guess what- it didn’t work! I want to make a fresh start! And I don’t want to wait until I find the right church or until I stop desiring sex or even until I have some super-emotional encounter with God. I can find all the reasons in the world to wait, but it won’t do me any good. So, why not start now?

At 11:02 PM on January 29, 2007 Beth Mooring decided to discontinue her old life and begin to live the one God had planned for her all along.