Waiting for attention, I’m not

God is so amazing. He never ceases to surprise me with his honest love. Honest in the sense that he points out my disease, and he loves me in spite of it. I have the disease of self-obsession. I long so much to be recognized, to be admired and praised for my service to the Lord. I am not a true servant because I am really just an actress, living my “ministry” on the stage, waiting for applause. And the funny thing is, he can still use me–mixed motives and all. While humilty is vital, I know that I will never completely rid myself of this desire to be acknowledged for my good deeds. Though I have less than pure intentions, he can still work through me. I just pray that my own stupid, attention-loving self doesn’t distract from his awesome glory. And I pray that one day I can say with complete conviction and sincerity that “waiting for attention, I’m not.”

A sad realization

I’ve become that girl who is so desperate for the approval of a man that she breaks her own spirit to do so.